Always Be My Baby ...

Dearest Whitney
I've been writing this weekly letter to you since you went away.  Today marks the one year mark of your untimely demise.  Saturday February 11 - 2012 around 3pm (ish) my cell phone starting vibrating off the hook, I was working at the time, so I didn't really pay attention to my cell phone, when I did glance at my the number of texts that I had, I thought to myself, wow I'm getting a lot of damn texts today, when I started to look at the names, I started to see names of people that I shared old friendships with some from at least twenty years ago, so many names, when I started to see duplicate names, I assumed that maybe some of my friends parents had passed away, or something like that. 
Never in my wildest dreams was I ever mentally prepared to hear the news of your ...... I was NUMB, I couldn't breathe, I was angry, I was obviously sad, and hurt for you, I was pissed that no one was there for you, like they should have been, I was mad that you were in Los Angeles, I was mad that you ever recorded your "I Look To You" project and I was heartbroken.  Adding insult to injury was some of the people that were calling me, were some of your biggest haters, all of a sudden they were sad, all of sudden they loved you,  I didn't return their phone calls, and if they were lucky enough to get me, I made them remain authentic in their hate, why be a damn hypocrite.  The vultures never gave you a moment of peace, Chaka Khan questioned, where were your handlers, who in their right mind would allow someone who battled drug addiction, to be in Los Angeles for a entire week partying before a Gala appearance, she knew that in LA, you could get any party that you wanted started, and snakes lurk everywhere.  I just couldn't understand how Pat, Gary and Uncle Ray could drop the ball, on your safety, after all you were their cash cow, the one who kept everything running.  I had so many hopes and dreams, that you would make it and beat the demon, that you would get rid of all the dead weight that was holding you down. 

The pressures of "I Look To You" and the flack that you endured from your last tour really took it's toll on you.  For some reason, I never realized that you really cared what the public perception of you was, I thought you had a strong group of industry peer friends, but they failed you too, or you cut them off.  I resented the "I Look To You" project because I think the old bad habit group of friends were invited back to the party:(  When I think of your Mother, I think of my Mom, who would not give a damn, how much money that I had, who I 'thought' I was, or what I instructed my staff to do, she would have gotten to me, to save my life OR she would have been the one to take my life.  A few weeks ago your mother released her book, then so many more questions were answered as to why ....
I really think that Robyn Crawford and your father John Houston, had they stayed around in your life, I think that you would still be here today, and even though I always knew that Bobby Brown wasn't the one who got you started on drugs, he just was NEVER good for you, just a jealous, envious, evil hanger on.  I know Blame is easy to place, we all have our choices, you lived your life~but I don't want to be mature today, I'm pissed!

You gave and gave, until you could no longer give, God saw your pain and suffering, and knew that he had much more to offer you.  Today marks my last weekly letter to you, but please always know that you're always in my heart, always know that I've always had unconditional love for you, always know that I appreciate your artistry, beauty, grace, strength and I'm sorry that we as a people failed you.  I know that you're now with God, your father and countless other family and friends.  To God be The Glory because Whitney Elizabeth Houston roamed the earth with me for over 27 years.  Ill be seeing you, and I shall NEVER forget you - EVER!